How to Eat Crow

Almost everyone eats crow at one time or another.  Usually a husband will eat it after an argument with his wife, or a boyfriend will eat a healthy portion after a quarrel with his girlfriend (if he wants to get anywhere with her.)  Politicians do not care to eat crow very much, but lately many of them have had to subsist on nothing BUT crow.  Your boss at the office probably never eats any, but insists that you eat plenty of it if you want to keep your job.

So what is the best way to cook crow before eating it?  Many prefer to eat it raw, feathers and all, just to get it over with.  But I prefer the French method of basting, poaching, marinating, and encapsulating.  Here is our family recipe for CROW DU JOUR:

  • Purchase one black crow.  Make sure it is a fresh bird by feeling its beak; if it snaps at you it is most certainly fresh.  Remove the feathers by plunging the bird in boiling water for ten minutes and then plunging the bird in ice water for five minutes.  If the feathers are still not coming out easily you can always take them off with a weed whacker.
  • Season the carcass lightly with salt, pepper, oregano, gunpowder and the zest from one watermelon.
  • Roll in bread crumbs.  (The bird, you dummy!)
  • Let the bird marinate in a mixture of 2 cups sherry, 2 cups rum, and 2 cups brandy for one hour.
  • At the end of the hour throw the bird away and drink the marinade, on the rocks.

As the French say:  Bon Appetite!  Or the Germans:  Gemulcht heim!  Or the British:  Stiff upper lip, old bean.  Or here in America:  Pass the Tums.