Half of the people I know now treat gluten
As ruthlessly as that old Vladimir Putin.
And ev’ryone seems to think innocent sugar
Repulsive as fungus all covered in booger.
Dairy is out; and as for any red meat,
It’s shot down as often as amateur skeet.
I can’t keep it straight as to which oils are which;
The ones I should use and the ones I should pitch.
Eggs are restricted and starch is verboten.
You have to drink water till kidneys are floatin’.
I’d tell you just what I think of this coercing,
But for the New Year I have given up cursing!